Day 18 ,me and my love relationship!!!
In this blog I want to take on my relationship ,my love relationships……I see in me the fear to be in one ,and actually I have such a program raining in me ,that is almost automatic ,were I am raning away from being with someone in relationship or more balance way in agreements.
I will start from a childhood….,when i was a child i was sick a lot….,and observe my parents(…were they were in LOVE -thats what everybody around me was saying ….)..and really did not like the emotions of up and down …,the bigger up ,the lower down ,….and right there i did make up my mind that I do not wanted this experience.I saw and experience the damage of the emotions bring.
So , I in my mind decide that this is not for me ….if real LOVE looks like this …that i do not wanted ……….I remember people was saying that this Love is something wort living for it ???…
I saw differently ……and even now when I write now ….I think how come no one is really talk with children about that ….,how my life maybe will be different if people who were close to me had some knowledge or a clue about emotions ,about feeling …,about MIND..!!!!
Of course there were a books and movie about relationship ,about love relationships……,but all this staff was really not clear to me ….,why do you need to be in love …..
……There is not one point of this …but all structure how I program myself ,to not giving myself a chance…..
Also what I saw around me , girls ,women who are in relationships ,they did not have this freedom which I had ( this was my perceive of reality ),I thought that when you single ,you have so much freedom……,you can be yourself …..,I saw and perceive that being with someone is so demanding ,that you always have to give yourself ,your time to someone……so my egoistic nature did win all the way !!!
I had maybe 2 real relationship in my life ….and i did not enjoy that…….meaning i did not like Me in this relationships…..i could not believe the emotions and turn oil did bring to my life….B
ut still never once I took deeper look on this whats going on …,and maybe take responsibility for my part ,for my actions and behavior.
until I read Desteni material ,I did not want to take responsibility for me and for this that I am in relationship or not .
I want to take some writings ,self forgiveness on the point of relationship or agreement :
1.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to believe in my mind ,to made a decision just to see my parents behavior towards each other and made a decision for the future ,program myself for the future relationship .
2.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to not see the common sense in relationships ,to believe mi mind back chat and because of this taking everything what my mind present as real .
3.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to existing with constant comparison to others ,to their lives ,their relationships ,not realizing that my approach to relationship could be different ,and it is up to me to make those changes .
4.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself always to look for approval from people around me ,approval of my choice in partnerships ,not seeing how not cool is this ,because in this whole process i am not self honest with me and with person I am involved .
5.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to take for real the observations from a childhood ,never questions these realizations ,but allowing them to dictate the decision I made later in my life ,not seeing how immature those thought were when I was a child ,but caring this thru my life .
6.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself, to blame many times my parents to not giving me the great example of relationship .to blame them for not talking to me about relationships ,not seeing that this was their life ,they have done and leaved the way they understand this reality .
7. I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to really hide from relationship -agreement with someone ,because I do not want to see me ,I do not want to face the real Me ,because in relationship there is no hiding no more…..
8I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself ,totally miss my life opportunity to become a mother in this life only because i made real the program i carry from my childhood , to not even once stop and check ,see the real reality .
9.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself be angry at my parents ,at life for the decision I made it ,for wanting blaming someone or something ,not realizing that this does not change anything ,but building even more energy and emotions.
10.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself, to not seeing what is here now ,and existing in the past ,lost opportunities to not stopping this back and fort game of mind conscience
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11. I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself ,to not toping the mind ,to not staying with breath ,to take it breath for granted.
12.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to exist with this construct of relationship program,to not seeing the relationship with common sense .
……. still to be continue…..
